Nope, not the ones from that cute and quirky 1980’s movie where a bushman discovers the world beyond his tribe’s village in the African savanah. I mean the cheese gods. The ones that expect me to walk past the cheese section inside Whole Foods only once, when in reality I speed walk several laps around the damn cheese. I pass the tea section, make a right on bread, past the glutten free frozen foods, on past the other healthy crap inside the freezers and right again as I come upon dairy and the overpriced “Irish” double churned butter, right again at the wine section and “walla”! I am back at the sample counter trying the cranberry aged extra sharp cheddar from Wisconsin for the fifth time. This time, Moe, in all his tattooed and pierced glory eyes me suspiciously, his dread locks swinging violently to all directions as he races away from his knife and cutting board and towards me to ask if I need any assistance…for the third time ( I may or may not smell a faint, funky odor..maybe its just my imagination, or the cheese…) This time he goes into an interminable monologue about grass fed happy cows and the vast acres of green paradise in which they feed! I smile and say thanks…honestly not giving a F**K and making an exaggerated attempt to play my sampling off as a genuine way to decide which cheese to take home….. But no, I just love cheese.. too much…But I am a cook, I don’t make enough money to buy a $15 block of cheese..
The cheese gods must also be crazy for allowing the existence of that bogus cheap yellow “cheeze” that pretends to be chile con queso during the 5 de Mayo craze coming up…. but that’s another story for another time….
For now I will get lost in the creamy sweetness of goat cheese and honey on a warm and crusty baguette! Sweet dreams!